The maid of honor just puked.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
