wanna go halves on a baby?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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