I will die if light touches me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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