I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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