he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Houston, we have a blender
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sext me about skeletons
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
