I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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