Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
