That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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