first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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