Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
