she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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