I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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