If that was your dad, he is hot
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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