Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
did you just send me my own nude
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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