Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
