Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
