And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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