So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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