ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
