I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
