You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
