Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
