you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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