and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
