woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
