she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My day in three words: secret purse cake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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