Kiss
Puke
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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