Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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