saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
