oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
