she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
