Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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