so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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