So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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