Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Enjoy the penises
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
