You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
