He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
