remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
