I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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