Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
