apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
