turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
