the condom got lost in my hair
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
