So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
