I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
