That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
