dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
