her vagine was all disorganized.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
