So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
