im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
