Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
and you fell through a lawn chair
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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