I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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