Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
