Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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