We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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