it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
