my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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