what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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