Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
