did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
