bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
