I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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