Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the day after is always just damage control
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
