my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this boner is exhausting
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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