guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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